The Power of Now

At that moment, I felt as though I had suddenly lost connection with my emotions, even with my heart. I looked around at the things around me, just as they were. 

My energy vibration was so low that I couldn't feel anything—not even the stars, the blue sky, or the blossoming flowers that I usually did. 

This was the moment I disliked the most, but I was aware of its existence. I watched it, observed how it was unfolding, and I knew why it had happened. 

The only thing I also knew was that it would eventually pass, though I was unsure when. 

I leaned against the wall for a while and looked up at the sky. Suddenly, the wind began to blow stronger and stronger, sweeping away the clouds and leaving only the emptiness of space. 

It was amazing. That moment touched me, and I began to feel myself again - for awhile!

It's very hard for me to fall into negativity because my positive side is much stronger. There's always a battle to find a reason rather than an excuse. But this time, my mind got clever—it didn’t place me in negativity but instead created something called confusion and emptiness, pulling me into an illusionary future where I couldn't predict or take control.

With the market conditions being quite low now, I started to suffer, which seems to resonate with my period coming. Ha ha, life is no longer easy for me. After three days, I felt down—low energy, losing hope in everything. I couldn't stand that state anymore.

So, I decided to take a 2 km run after ended my work to the high bridge. The stronger wind at that altitude tried to pull me down, but I didn’t care. I told my mind, "Come on, stronger, stronger! Not enough! If you don’t fight for yourself through hard times, who will? No one in this world." 

Praying? Useless. Only strong actions can lift me up this moment, and maybe hitting 170 bpm will activate my survival mode.

I did it. And in the end, I won against my mind. Rather than letting it drive me, I chose to take control.

Even though this is an uneasy and uncomfortable experience I’ve been through, without it, I wouldn’t have had the chance to question myself on many aspects I’ve ignored. Maybe after so long of claiming myself as a chill girl, life wanted to put me in this state to test how I realize it, how I react, and how I overcome it. Or sometimes, it’s something preparing me for unexpected things that might happen in the future—things that won’t always be convenient for me to face. Whatever it is, at least I’ve been through it and truly reclaimed my fresh energy. What a blessing!